Mathematics, applications of mathematics to life in general, and my life as a mathematician.
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Here is a famous old joke about Russian propaganda. I heard it when Leonid Brezhnev was General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and Ronald Reagan was the president of the US. Joke. A Russian newspaper wrote an article about a two-person race between the Russian and the US leaders. They wrote, […]
* * * I hate getting into debates about Möbius strips. They’re always one-sided. * * * North Korea’s ballistic missile test failed due to a bug in Windows. The next missile containing a bug report has been automatically sent to Microsoft. * * * 4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions. * […]
* * * My daughter was talking at her kindergarten about what her parents do for work. She said that her mom catches bugs, invokes demons, and talks to clods. * * * I have neither Twitter nor Instagram. I just go for a walk to tell strangers what I ate and drank and how […]
* * * I surveyed many people who had played Russian roulette. Seems like the probability of dying is actually 0%. * * * What has the probability of one in five million?Zero: there’s no 1 in 5000000. Only a five and six zeros. * * * Two classmates:—What did you think of our probability […]
You might have noticed that my blogging slowed down significantly in the last several months. I had mono: My brain was foggy, and I was tired all the time. Now I am feeling better, and I am writing again. What better way to get back to writing than to start with some jokes? * * […]
* * * Business plan: Sign-up for a premium-rate telephone number through which you make money from every call. Take a loan at the bank. Do not pay back. Collection agencies start calling non-stop. * * * TMake a full-body selfie. Eat greedily for a year. Take a full-body selfie again. Swap before and after. […]
* * * (submitted by Sam Steingold) I can count to 1023 on my 10 fingers. The rudest number is 132. * * * I kept forgetting my password, so I changed it to “incorrect”. Now, when I make a mistake during login, my computer reminds me: “Your password is incorrect.” * * * —You […]
* * * Don’t anthropomorphize computers: They don’t like it. * * * I do not have dreams any more. What did I do wrong to make them delete my account? * * * How to restore justice: Create a folder named Justice. Delete it. Go to the trash bin and click restore. * * […]
* * * —Honey, we are like two parallel lines. —Why do you say that? —The intersection of our life paths was a mistake. * * * —Q: Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach? —A: Because it was over 90 degrees. * * * Ancient Roman in a clothing store: How come […]
I’ve been collecting math jokes for many years. I thought I’ve seen them all. No. Inventive people continue to create them. I was recently sent a link to a math joke website that features many jokes that are new to me. Here are my favorites: * * * With massive loss of generality, let $n=5$. […]
