Archive for the ‘Math Humor’ Category.

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October Geek Jokes

3rd October 2008, 11:35 am

I added some new jokes to my collection of math, computer and geek humor:

* * *

— What do you do to protect yourselves from viruses?
— We use disposable computers …

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Microsoft offers a new service. They sell ad spots in their error messages.

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Sysadmin:
— I do not care if everyone insists that using the name of my own cat as a password is a bad idea! RrgTt_fx32!b, kitty-kitty-kitty …

* * *

Due to technical difficulties the release of Windows 2000 is delayed until February 1901.

* * *

A doctor looking at patient’s X-rays:
— Hmm, multiple hip fractures, tibia and fibula fractures. Oh well, Photoshop can fix all that.

* * *

After learning how much money Bill Gates has, Satan offered him his own soul.

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Question: What did one math book say to the other?
Answer: Don’t bother me. I have my own problems.

* * *

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: No, why?
Student: I didn’t do my homework.

* * *

— My teacher said we would have a test today, rain or shine.
— Then why are you so happy?
— Because it’s snowing.

* * *

Question: How many sides does a box have?
Answer: Two — the inside and the outside.

* * *

Question: What did the calculator say to everyone?
Answer: You can count on me.

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Category: Math Humor  |  2 Comments

Back-to-School Funny Pictures

25th September 2008, 02:02 pm

Delete Cookies?!Just updated my collection of Funny Math Pictures.

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Category: Math Humor  |  3 Comments

A Math Paper by Moscow, U.S.S.R.

8th August 2008, 11:42 am

I’m not kidding; there is such a paper. It is titled, “A Headache-causing Problem” and its authors are Conway (J.H.), Paterson (M.S.), and Moscow (U.S.S.R.). The acknowledgements in the paper shed some light on how Moscow became a mathematician:

The work described here was carried out when the first and second named authors enjoyed the hospitality of the third. The second and third authors are indebted to the first for expository details. The first and third authors gratefully remark that without the constant stimulation and witty encouragement of the second author this paper

[The next part was meant to be on the following page, Conway told me, but the editor missed the humor and just continued the sentence…]

was completed.

As a consequence of this joke, Moscow is envied by many mathematicians as it has an Erdős number of 2. Now wait for a couple of hundred years, and Moscow will be the only living mathematician with an Erdős number of 2. I can just imagine future mathematicians trying to persuade Moscow to coauthor papers with them, because this will be the only way for them to score an Erdős number of 3.

Even though I lived there for 30 years, I had no idea that Moscow had a talent for math. Of course, this talent only emerged when Moscow was more than 800 years old.

Searching for Headache

This wonderful paper by Moscow was very difficult to find. It was presented to Hendrik W. Lenstra on the occasion of his doctoral examination. It was published in 1977 in a book titled “Een pak met een korte broek,” which in Dutch means, “A Book in Short Trousers.”

I tried to find it on the Internet — it wasn’t there. I asked John Conway — it took him quite some time to find it. Here is the picture of John Conway searching for a headache-causing problem. Luckily for you and me, he found it. To save you from another headache, I am uploading the scan of it in pdf format here: A Headache-causing Problem by J.H. Conway, M.S. Paterson, and U.S.S.R. Moscow.

I hope that Moscow will not start complaining that I never asked its permission to post the paper. Some might argue that Moscow, U.S.S.R., doesn’t exist anymore, but I would counter that it exists, but with a changed name. If Moscow tries to sue me, I hope it’s not because it is still bitter that I left it behind in 1990.

Hey Moscow, it’s time we were friends again. Would you like to co-author a paper with me?

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Category: John Conway, Math, Math Humor  |  7 Comments

Spring Math Humor

22nd April 2008, 08:37 am

Here are recent additions to my math jokes collection:

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During a lecture to his students, a military instructor says, “There is a 40% chance that we will hit our target.”
One student asks, “What happens if we aim away from the target?”
The instructor replies, “Logically, we would have a 60% chance of hitting the target.”

* * *

“Do you know that 67% of people are not capable of doing simple arithmetic?”
“I belong to the other 23%.”

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What is so special about 6.9?
It is 69 ruined by a period.

* * * (submitted by Irene Ogievetskaya)

Teacher: Solve the equation: x + x + x = 9.
Student: x = 3, 3, and 3.

* * *

Teacher: What is 2k + k?
Student: 3000!

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Category: Math Humor  |  1 Comment
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