Physics Jokes

I could no longer resist: I added a section of physics jokes to my math jokes collection:

* * *

A hydrogen atom says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, have you seen an electron around here? I seem to have lost mine.”
“Are you sure you lost it?” the bartender asks.
And the hydrogen atom answers, “I’m positive!”

* * *

Heisenberg gets stopped on the motorway by the police.
Cop: “Do you know how fast you were going sir?”
Heisenberg: “No, but I know exactly where I am.”

* * *

A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks him, “Can I help you with your luggage?”
To which the photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m traveling light.”



  1. vadim:

    I’ve heard that von Neumann really told the police that he saw red light as being green because of the wave-length-whatever-effect, because he was driving fast enough towards the lights.

  2. Felipe Pait:

    Not sure about von Neumann but the Heisenberg one sounds authentic 🙂

  3. Tanya Khovanova's Math Blog » Blog Archive » Physics Jokes : Quality jokes collection:

    […] Continued here:  Tanya Khovanova's Math Blog » Blog Archive » Physics Jokes […]

  4. Jonathan:

    Some particles, thoroughly sloshed, are ready to leave the tavern.

    Neutron: “What do I owe you?”
    Bartender: “For you, no charge”

  5. David Wilson:

    I like math jokes better.

    A doctor, lawyer and mathematician were discussing the merits of wives vs mistresses.

    “Go with a wife” says the doctor. “Long term relationships are healthier.”

    “Go with a mistress” says the lawyer. “It costs less to break up.”

    “Go with both” says the mathematician. “Then when the wife thinks you are with the mistress and the mistress thinks you are with the wife, you can get some mathematics done.”

  6. Gommle:

    A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, the priest says “We don’t allow Higgs-Bosons in here.”. The Higgs-Boson says “But without me how can you have mass?”

  7. Hillary:

    GROAN!!! love em. 🙂

  8. David Wilson:

  9. Marco Tocornal:

    What’s a complex kid?
    One with a real mother and an imaginary father.

    How does a linguist compute “5!”?

    Why don’t mathematicians and computer programmers distinguish Halloween and Christmas?
    Because 31 (oct) = 25 (dec).

    One day 1 meets e^(i*pi) and fall in love with her. One day, he, full of courage says:
    -Hey, I think we should add up, we’ll both gain a lot in life.
    And e^(i*pi) answers:
    -Not really, actually we’ll get nothing.

    (the last one is not so good… that’s because I’ve invented it)

  10. kagni:

    A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe
    watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side
    of the street.

    First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
    After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

    The Physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”.
    The Biologists conclusion: “They have reproduced”.
    The Mathematician: “If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be
    empty again.”

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