Tanya Khovanova's Math Blog

I had a dream that sometime in the future I am babysitting my two-year old granddaughter-to-be Inna.

Me: Here is one apple; here is another apple. How many apples will you get when we put them together?
Inna: Two.
Me: So, 1+1 is… ?
Inna: Two.
Me: Good girl.
Inna: How much is 2+2?
Me: Shhh. We can’t talk about that.
Inna: Why? Will a big bad wolf come and eat us?
Me: Sort of. It is copyrighted and I do not have enough money for the private use license.
Inna: Did you spend all your money on a 1+1 license?
Me: No, honey. Google owns the rights and they released it for public use.
Inna: What about 3+3?
Me: We might be able to talk about it in a couple of years. The government is discussing the purchase of the rights, though it would be half of their annual education budget.
Inna: What about 4+4?
Me: 4+4 is approximately 8.
Inna: Don’t you know if it is 8? Do you think it could be 7?
Me: No, I know exactly how much it is. But the copyright has a loophole. You can’t say the exact sentence, but it doesn’t forbid variations. Have you heard that Stephen Colbert is being sued for saying how much 4+4 is on his show? Colbert argues that his grimace constitutes a complete reverse in meaning.
Inna: What about 5+5?
Me: Your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate is a lawyer and he says that the 5+5 license doesn’t permit the answer to be in the same sentence as the statement. So, to be on the safe side, you should always go like this: “5+5 is a number. I like ice cream. My favorite flavor is chocolate. The number I’ve mentioned several sentences ago is 10.”
Inna: Can this lawyer find a loophole in the 2+2 license?
Me: The copyright agreement itself is copyrighted and too expensive for him.

Later my son, Alexey, comes to pick up his daughter. I continue the conversation with him.

Me: Your daughter is gifted in math. Is there any chance that her public school can teach her how to add 10+10?
Alexey: I know that our public school bought a limited license. They can discuss additions only in a designated room on Mondays from 11:00am to noon and only after 8th grade.
Me: Why the heck wait until 8th grade?
Alexey: They are required to study copyright laws first and pass the state exams.
Me: Have you considered private schools? Inna is so gifted — she might even get a scholarship.
Alexey: Our private school was able to copyright only three questions for their scholarship evaluations. And everyone knows that the answers are A, D and D.
Me: I have an idea. I am subscribed to Russian TV. They have a channel that broadcasts an educational math show in English.
Alexey: How could that be? The U.S. blocks all foreign non-copyrighted broadcasts in English.
Me: Their English is so bad, everyone thinks it is French.
Alexey: Ah, I was wondering where my boss’s son got his new horrifying accent.

At Inna’s next visit, Inna came up with some ideas.

Inna (in a low voice): I think I know how much 2+2 is.
Me: You can’t tell me that. But maybe you have a new favorite number. You can tell me your favorite number.
Inna: My favorite number is 4.
Me: Do you know how much 3+3 is?
Inna: I changed my mind. My new favorite number is 6 now.
Me: Good girl.
Inna: How come we are talking about addition and you never told me what the number after 10 is?
Me: Shhh. We can’t talk about that… —

This is my first non-mathematical entry. But I invented this diet myself two days ago and I wanted to share it with you. It is a variation on my son Alexey’s “Am I hungry?” diet.

The only restriction for my diet is that you are not allowed to eat while your brain is busy with something else, like watching TV or playing sudoku.

If you are driving to your office while reading a newspaper and talking on the phone, you are allowed to have your morning donut, but only if you stop the car and put away your newspaper and phone. This diet is based on having an undistracted dialogue with your food.

Here how this diet works. Each time you open your mouth to take a bite, you should look at your food and ask yourself, “Why the heck do I need this bite?” This is it. Just look and ask. Nothing more.

It is better if you say it aloud. But if you are on a first date you are allowed to pronounce it in your head.

Here is what happened to my cake yesterday. On the first “Why the heck do I need this piece of cake?” I just ate one bite. On the second “Why the heck do I need this piece of cake?” my inner voice told me, “Shut up. I just want it.” On the third “Why the heck do I need this piece of cake?” my inner voice said: “Well, I am stressed out and I really crave some sugar. Besides, today is my last day at work, so I am allowed to celebrate.” On the fourth “Why the heck do I need this piece of cake?” I just put the piece of cake back in the fridge. I didn’t want it anymore. Altogether, I ate a third of my usual portion of cake. It works.

Try it. This diet is free. It is easy to remember. You do not need to change your lifestyle, go to the store to buy fresh vegetables or adopt new recipes. It might increase your morning commute time by one minute. But you can recover this minute by cutting down on exercise, since you won’t need it quite as much.