Statistics Jokes

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Do you know a statistics joke?
Probably, but it’s mean!

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Twelve different world statisticians studied Russian roulette. Ten of them proved that it is perfectly safe. The other two scientists were unfortunately not able to join the final discussion.

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A statistician bought a new tool that finds correlations between different fields in databases. Hoping for new discoveries he ran his new tool on his large database and found highly correlated events. These are his discoveries:

  • The most correlated fields were the title and the gender. If the title is Mr., then the gender is male.
  • The children have the same last names as parents.
  • The children are much younger than the parents.
  • The main cause of divorces is weddings.

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Scientists discovered that the main cause of living ’till old age is an error on the birth certificate.

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Scientists concluded that children do not really use the Internet. This is proven by the fact that the percentage of people saying ‘No’ when asked ‘Are you over 18?’ is close to zero.

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— Please, close the window, it is cold outside.
— Do you think it will get warmer, after I close it?

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One Comment

  1. lps1000vm:

    The joke of the statistician with the new tool in real life: this is what happens when using a machine to find correlations in baseball games.

    https://twitter.com/PetrosAndMoney/status/594968902674714624/photo/1